In Los Angeles, my feathers are ruffled by ghosts of the past messing with the present and dooming the future. Home is where the heart - and heartbreak - can be found. I write songs to vent, some of which may never see the light of day, but at least provide a release.
It's the dawning realization of let-down that grows stronger as I age. The little girl I once was pictures a giant, placed high on a pedestal, bathed in glowing light. As the years passed, the foundation crumbled. The giant fell slowly, but steadily, never reaching the wreckage below, but remaining in a constant state of descent. Its childish mentality of insane denial and dangerous misinterpretation of reality continue to be devastating. I've alternately wept, been paralyzed by anxiety, grown furious, ranted, pondered, rationalized, explained, sought closure and always, always hoped that the giant would find solid ground on which to stand tall. No matter how clearly I understand the situation as an adult, my inner child continues to mourn the loss of its hero.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
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2 comments:
Britt; You're in a stage of your life where MANY things are either outright changing or in flux, and it is completely normal for you to have thoughts such as this! Not to sound like the "old guy" here but, we are all children at some level. We are always learning that some things we idolized or idealized are not what we perceived them to be. Often, those are sad and dissapointing revelations. The big diference is that people like you, (and I hope myself as well) contine to grow as humans while still maintaining a bit of that childish inocence and wonder which keeps our lives meaningful. I know you only from online; as an Artist, as an incredibly astute observer of life and all of the incongruous observations that life affords us, and as one hellaciously talented Lady. But there is a reason you are able to create the music and lyrics you do!And guess what Britt? That little girl,the one you once were? She is now the epitome of a Lady who will be the hero of people who follow! So,,,, How does it feel to know that you are burdened with being a Hero to others? :-)
Wise words, and I appreciate your kindness and understanding. If I do become someone that others can look up to, I'll do my best not to let them down...or at least have the self-awareness and humility to apologize when and if I fuck up!
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