Although it was nice to be home in California for three weeks, it's even better to be back in Texas with Luke. The countdown to his deployment begins, yes, but we're in our own space in our own bed without the stress that other people's energy can impose. Trying to squeeze in multiple visits with all of our family and friends felt exhausting to me. I prefer spreading it out in a leisurely manner, not dealing with the guilt caused by some who are demanding of time. To top it off, there's an underlying mood of fear amongst our loved ones, wondering if Luke will make it back from war safely. The conversation was largely avoided by most, as though voicing their dread aloud would jinx it all. I've gotten to the point where I understand that it's out of my control and, if I can't change the circumstances, may as well accept things as they are and try to put my best foot forward. I hate war and know with all of my heart that we are being lied to about the reasons for being in the Middle East...but I love my husband and all that matters to me is that he returns safely. The issues I have with the U.S. government and their puppeteers will be productively put into song form and, perhaps, released after Luke is no longer in harm's way.
I didn't write or create music while on vacation and felt like crap as a result. Expressing myself through art is essential to my emotional survival in all kinds of weather. Pending Luke's amount of energy at the end of each day, we'll record a tiny bit more before he goes. He feels the need to record our duet - the one he wrote - before he deploys in case something
does happen to him. As of now, he's set to leave on the 16th or 17th. His birthday is on the 12th, so I'm happy that we'll be together for that.
Sleep is hard to come by these days, so I hope I've written something semi-coherent! More to come when my head is clearer.
1 comments:
I guess I'm as guilty as anyone of that Britt, not wanting to really bring up the whole deployment other than in the vaguest of terms so as not to cast a pall over your time with him befoe he leaves. I know it makes no sense since it's obviously on your mind no matter what anyone says to you. Your words are so damn eloquent, and prove just how fucked up a country is where it has become common place to repeat the jingoistic rantings of the Far Right, or else fear being labeled un patriotic. F**k all those people who try to tell me it's impossible to be aginst the war and still suport our troops. And now, I feel I need to appologize for in any way politicisng your and Lukes situation with MY words. I can't speak for anyone else Britt, but I'm betting you have tons of other friends out there who, like me, will be very happy to be there while he's gone if you want to rant, chat, avoid the subject, whatever. And if you get really REALLY bored, remember that I'm an insomniac, and we can always play scrabble on facebook, lol.
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